Mandarin does not give a damn about tenses.

漢語不會有那麼多時態的規定。

Hànyǔ bù huì yǒu nàme duō shí tài de guīdìng

There are none!

漢語沒有！

Hànyǔ méiyǒu

The alphabet is totally phonetic.

字母表完全語音化。

Zìmǔ biǎo wánquán yǔyīn huà

Pingyin makes the ABCs  look pretty lame.

同拼音相比，ABC簡直弱爆了。

Tóng pīnyīn xiāng bǐ,ABC jiǎnzhí ruò bàole

It doesn’t have that many combinations of sounds.

漢字的讀音不會有那麼多音標的組合。

Hànzì de dúyīn bù huì yǒu nàme duō yīnbiāo dì zǔhé

As opposed to thousands in English.

其不同於成千上萬個英文單詞的拼讀。

Qí bùtóng yú chéng qiān shàng wàn gè yīngwén dāncí de pīn dú

Mandarin ain’t got no time for too many syllables.

漢語的一個詞不會有那麼多音節。

Hànyǔ de yīgè cí bù huì yǒu nàme duō yīnjié.

The majority of words only have one or two syllables.

大部分的漢字只會由一兩個音節構成。

Dà bùfèn de hànzì zhǐ huì yóu yī liǎng gè yīnjié gòuchéng.

You can usually understand people even if you can’t make out tones.

即使你不會也可以明白音調。

Jíshǐ nǐ bù huì yě kěyǐ míngbái yīndiào.

You can still figure out what people are saying through context.

你也可以從語境中分析出其他人要表達的意思。

Nǐ yě kěyǐ cóng yǔ jìng zhōng fēnxī chū qítā rén yào biǎodá de yìsi.

You could even just learn spoken Chinese with pinyin and be illiterate.

你甚至可以只用拼音來表達。

Nǐ shènzhì kěyǐ zhǐ yòng pīnyīn lái biǎodá

If you want a quicker route.( Note: NOT promoting illiteracy here, just sayin…)

如果你想走捷徑的話。（不要當作誤導，只是說說而已）

Rúguǒ nǐ xiǎng zǒu jiéjìng dehuà. (Bùyào dàng zuò wùdǎo, zhǐshì shuō shuō éryǐ

Don’t like articles？GREAT！Mandarin doesn’t either

討厭冠詞？非常好，中文也是。

Tǎoyàn guàncí? Fēicháng hǎo, zhōngwén yěshì

.

There are none.

中文不用冠詞

Zhōngwén bùyòng guàncí

Nouns don’t have plurals

單複數也是同樣的寫法

Dān fùshù yěshì tóngyàng de xiěfǎ

glass,glasses

玻璃，玻璃

Bōlí, bōlí

OR genders.

詞也沒有陰陽之分。

Cí yě méiyǒu yīnyáng zhī fēn.

There are gendered pronouns(like he/she), but that’s about it. China thinks that

中文里也有一些直接表示性別的詞（如男他、女她），但僅此而已。中國人認為

Zhōngwén lǐ yěyǒu yīxiē zhíjiē biǎoshì xìngbié de cí (rú nán tā, nǚ tā), dàn jǐn cǐ éryǐ. Zhōngguó rén rènwéi

pineapple should have a choice whether it ‘s male or female.

無生命物體有選擇它們性別的權利。

Wú shēngmìng wùtǐ yǒu xuǎnzé tāmen xìngbié de quánlì.

All sentence patterns are fixed.

所有句型都是固定的。

Suǒyǒu jù xíng dōu shì gùdìng de

Subject +time+location+verb+object all day every day.

主語+時間+地點+動詞+賓語 從來如此。

Zhǔyǔ +shíjiān +dìdiǎn +dòngcí +bīnyǔ cónglái rúcǐ

Mandarin and Cantonese characters are written the same.

漢字同粵語書寫方式是相同的。

Hànzì tóng yuèyǔ shūxiě fāngshì shì xiāngtóng de.

Killing two birds with one stone!

學習了中文也相當於學會了粵語。

Xuéxíle zhōngwén yě xiāngdāng yú xuéhuìle yuèyǔ

You don’t necessarily have to worry about dealing with different dialects.

你不用擔心方言的不同。

Nǐ bùyòng dānxīn fāngyán de bùtóng

Though people will talk smack behind your back if you don’t speak Cantonese in Hong Kong ,

在香港，如果你不會說粵語可能會有人背後說你壞話。

Zài xiānggǎng, rúguǒ nǐ bù huì shuō yuèyǔ kěnéng huì yǒurén bèihòu shuō nǐ huàihuà.

almost everyone understands Mandarin.

但幾乎人人都懂普通話。

Dàn jīhū rén rén dōu dǒng pǔtōnghuà

Numbers are used wayyyy more

數字同樣有多種用途。

effectively and efficiently.

非常的快捷跟有效。

Fēicháng de kuàijié gēn yǒuxiào

Months, for example, are just number+word for month. So January is 1 month, February is 2 month, etc.

月份，舉例，只是數字+月份，所以一月就是一加月，二月就是二加月。

Yuèfèn, jǔlì, zhǐshì shùzì +yuèfèn, suǒyǐ yī yuè jiùshì yī jiā yuè, èr yuè jiùshì èr jiā yuè

Some words actually look like the thing they describe.

很多中文都是象形字

Hěnduō zhōngwén dōu shì xiàngxíng zì

First line: fire, wood, sun, moon;second line: person, mouth, door, mountain.

第一排，火，木，太陽，月亮，第二排：人，口，門，山。

Dì yī pái, huǒ, mù, tàiyáng, yuèliàng, dì èr pái: Rén, kǒu, mén, shān

It’s kind of like reading a picture book, which is always cool.(By Natalie Morin)

如此以來，識字就像看圖畫數一樣，非常的有趣。

Rúcǐ yǐlái, shìzì jiù xiàng kàn túhuà shǔ yī yàng, fēicháng de yǒuqù