Jokes in Mandarin

jokes in Mandarin

Liǎng zhī qīngwā xiāng’àile, jiéhūn hòushēngle yīgè lài há mó,
gōng qīngwā jiàn zhuàng dà nù shuō: Jiàn rén, zěnme huí shì?
Mǔ qīngwā kūzhe shuō: Tā diē, rènshì nǐ zhīqián wǒ zhěngguò róng.
(Àiqíng xūyào xìnrèn)
两只青蛙相爱了,结婚后生了一个癞蛤嫫,
公青蛙见状大怒说:贱人,怎么回事?
母青蛙哭着说:他爹,认识你之前我整过容。
(爱情需要信任)
Two frogs in love, married but gave birth to a toad ,
male frog is very angry and say: slut, how is it?
female frog crying and said: father, I had cosmetic surgery before marring you.
(Love needs trust)

xiǎo lǘ wèn lǎo lǘ: Wèi shà zánmen tiāntiān chī gāncǎo, ér nǎiniú dùn dùn jīng sìliào?
Lǎo lǘ tàn dào: Zán yémen bǐ bùliǎo, wǒmen shì kào pǎotuǐ chīfàn, rénjiā shì kào xiōngpú chīfàn!
(Shēnghuó xūyào rěnnài)
小驴问老驴:为啥咱们天天吃干草,而奶牛顿顿精饲料?
老驴叹到:咱爷们比不了,我们是靠跑腿吃饭,人家是靠胸脯吃饭!
(生活需要忍耐)
Donkey asked the old Donkey: Why do we eat hay every day, and dairy Dun Dayton fine feed?
Old donkey sigh to: we can not compare, we are by running errands to eat, other rely on the chest to eat!
(Life needs patience)

yāzi hé pángxiè sàipǎo, yīqǐ dàodá zhōngdiǎn, nán fēn shèng fù, cáipàn shuō: Nǐmen lái gè jiǎndāo shítou bù ba!
Yāzi dà nù: Mā de, suànjì wǒ? Wǒ yī chū shì bù, tā zǒng shì jiǎndāo.
(Bǐsài xūyào tiānfù)
鸭子和螃蟹赛跑,一起到达终点,难分胜负,裁判说:你们来个剪刀石头布吧!
鸭子大怒:妈的,算计我?我一出是布,他总是剪刀。
(比赛需要天赋)
Ducks and crabs race, together to reach the end, hard to win, the referee said: You come to a scissors stone cloth it!
Duck furious: Damn, kidding me? I am a cloth, he always scissors
(The game needs talent)

gǒu duì xióng shuō: Jià gěi wǒ ba, jià gěi wǒ nǐ huì xìngfú.
Xióng shuō: Cái bù jià ne, jià gěi nǐ zhǐ huì shēng gǒuxióng, wǒ yào jià gěi māo, shēng xióngmāo nà cái zūnguì ne!
(Hūnyīn xūyào lǐzhì)
狗对熊说:嫁给我吧,嫁给我你会幸福。
熊说:才不嫁呢,嫁给你只会生狗熊,我要嫁给猫,生熊猫那才尊贵呢!
(婚姻需要理智)
The dog said to the bear: marry me, marry me you will be happy.
Bear said: no way, marry you will only be a bear, I want to marry a cat, a panda that honor it!
(Marriage needs reason)

lǎo biē tiáoxì hé bàng, bèi yǎo, lǎo biē rěntòng tuōzhe hé bàng láihuí pá,
qīngwā jiànle jìngpèi de shuō: Guāiguāi, biē gē hùn dàle, chūrù dōu jiāzhe gōngwén bāo.
(Gāi zhuāng de shíhòu dé zhuāng)
老鳖调戏河蚌,被咬,老鳖忍痛拖着河蚌来回爬,
青蛙见了敬佩的说:乖乖,鳖哥混大了,出入都夹着公文包。
(该装的时候得装)
Old turtle molested mussel, bitten, old turtle reluctantly dragged back and forth to climb the mussels,
Frog met with admiration, said: obediently, turtle brother mixed big, both inside and out of the briefcase.
(Pretend when you need it)

Related Topic: 

Joke: Waste or Save

How to cool down

How to cool downConversation:

A: Nǐ hǎo a dà wèi, zuìjìn nǐ dōu zài zuì xiē shénme ne?

B: Méiyǒu, dōu shì zài jiālǐ wán, dōu méiyǒu chūmén ne!

A: Wèishéme ne?

B: Yīn wéi tiānqì tài rèle, nǎlǐ dōu bùxiǎng qù, dòng yīxià dūhuì chū hàn, hāhā!

A: Nà nǐ kěyǐ qù yóuyǒng a

B: Zhège zhǔyì dǎoshì bùcuò, xiàwǔ nǐ gēn wǒ qù ma?

A: Méi wèntí a, xiàwǔ wǒmen yīqǐ qù zhèngfǔ de yóuyǒngchí yóuyǒng ba!

Chinese Characters:

A: 你好啊大衛,最近你都在最些什麼呢?

B: 沒有,都是在家裡玩,都沒有出門呢!

A: 為什麼呢?

B: 因為天氣太熱了,哪裡都不想去,動一下都會出汗,哈哈!

A: 那你可以去游泳啊

B: 這個主意倒是不錯,下午你跟我去嗎?

A: 沒問題啊,下午我們一起去政府的游泳池游泳吧!

English:

A: How are you, David, what have you been doing recently?

B: No, all at home, did not go out!

A: Why?

B: because the weather is too hot, I do not want to go anywhere, whenever I move my body I will sweat, ha ha!

A: Then you can go swimming

B: That is a good idea, shall we go together in the afternoon?

A: No problem, afternoon we go to the government swimming pool!

Related Topic: 

How hot is the weather today!

How hot is the weather today!

How hot is the weather todayConversation:

A: Hāi, yuēhàn sēn, nǐ hǎo ma?

B: Wǒ yīzhí hěn hǎo, dàn zuótiān wǎnshàng shuì dé bú shūfú.

A: Fāshēngle shénme shì?

B: Yīn wéi tiānqì tài rè, wǒ bùnéng rùshuì.

A: Shì de, zuìjìn tiānqì yīzhí hěn rè, wǒ shènzhì bùxiǎng chūmén, wǒ zhǐ xiǎng liú zài kòngtiáo xià.

B: Shì de, nǐ shì duì de, tiānqì bàogào shuō zhège xīngqíliù hái huì chíxù zhème rè.

A: Wǒ míngbáile, suǒyǐ wǒmen zuì hǎo hē gèng duō de shuǐ, liú zài lǐmiàn, ér bùshì wàichū.

Chinese Characters:

A: 嗨,约翰森,你好吗?

B:我一直很好,但昨天晚上睡得不舒服.

A:发生了什么事?

B:因为天气太热,我不能入睡。

A:是的,最近天气一直很热,我甚至不想出门,我只想留在空调下。

B:是的,你是对的,天气报告说这个星期六还会持续这么热。

A:我明白了,所以我们最好喝更多的水,留在里面,而不是外出。

English Translations:

A: Hi Johnathan, How have you been?

B: I have been doing good, but I couldn’t sleep well last night?

A: What happened?

B: Because the weather is too hot, I couldn’t fall asleep.

A: Yes, recently the weather has been so hot, I don’t even want to go out, I just want to stay under the air conditioner.

B: Yes, you are right, and the weather reports say that it will continuously be such hot until this Saturday.

A: I see, so we better drink more water and stay inside instead of going out.

Related:

Hot and cold: China’s best hot springs

List of Cantonese language Particals and How to use them

cantonese final particals

We all know that the Cantonese language has a lot of final particals that put at the end of a sentence to express different feelings and tones, today I am going to tell you ten of these final particals and show you how to use them correctly.

  1. The first one must be “a”, this is used for forming a question, for example, if you want to say “How old are you” , in Cantonese, you say “neih gei do seui a?” So the partical “a” is at the end of the sentence showing that this is a question, somebody may ask can I just drop the “a” and is the sentence still a question or not? The answer is yes, but the tone sounds less polite and more aggressive.

Practice to say these in Cantonese: 1. Where do you live? 2. What did you eat last night?

  1. The second partical is “la”, this “la” is the 1st tone showing the speaker is trying to make a suggestion. For example, if you are trying to say “Let’s go for dinner now” you should say in Cantonese, “Ngoh deih yih ga heui sihk maahn faahn la!” This is imperative sentence, asking other people’s ideas or giving suggestion to them.

Practice to say these in Cantonese:  1. Let’s go for movie tonight! 2. Shall we go to travel to Japan next month?

  1. The third partical is “Ga”, The “ga” pratical has different meanings, 1st, It is the same as “a” for forming a question but the tone is much stronger, for example: “neih heui mh heui ga!” this means are you going or not going? (I am already feeling a little impatient about you. J), so it is the same as “a” for asking a question but more stronger tone, hope you understand it. OK so let’s see some other example of “ga”.
  2. “Neih jung mh jung yi ngoh ga?!” (DO you really like me or not!?)

II.“Neih haih mh haih gau dim faan gung ga!?” (Do you really work at 9 o’clock or not?!)

Another function for “Ga” Is showing past tense of a sentence, for example: I got up at 7 this morning, “ngoh gam jiu chat dim hei san ga. Here “Ga” express the past tense. Let’s do some practice about this:

How to say these sentence in Cantonese:

  1. What did you do last weekend? 2. How did you get in? 3. Why did you eat chicken last night?
  2. The forth partical I am going to tell you is “ja”, this partical shows people that the speaks thinks the thing they are talking about is very little, very small, for example , I only have 1 dollar, in Cantonese, “ngoh yauh ngh man ja”, Is more like English word “Only”. Let’s see some other examples:
  3. I only know English = Ngoh sik ying mahn ja
  4. We only know each other for 5 minutes = ngoh deih sik jo ngh fan jung ja.

Ok, please now these exercises:

  1. I only know he lives at the peak
  2. I only bought 10 pairs of shoes yesterday.
  3. The fifth one is “Je”, also is it put at the end of a sentence showing “only”, alright, so what is the different between “Je” and “Ja”, “je” is more only but you can do it, “ja” is only but cannot do it. See examples:

It is only 5 dollars, just buy it! / I have only 5 dollars, how can I buy it?!

So the first sentence you should use “je”, but the second sentence should be using “ja”.

So basically people use “ ja” when they think the amount is small and not enough to do anything, but people use “je” is to express that they think the amount is small, it is easy to do anything.

Ok, now compare these sentence weather “ja” or “je” should be used.

  1. I only speak English, I will be in trouble when I go to China.
  2. We only know him for 2 days, we cannot say if he is a good person or not.
  3. This shirt costs only 100 dollars, we can buy it for sure.
  4. Those apples weight only 2 kilos, not enough for all people.
  5. “Gwa” Number 6 is “Gwa”, which has 2 meaning, 1st meaning shows the uncertainty of the sentence, for example: She may come to today’s party, I am not sure. “keuih gam yaht wuih laih jui hui gwa”, another example: They maybe forgot our meeting, “Keuih deih mh gei dak jo ngoh deih ge yeuk hui gwa.”

learn cantonese particals

Another meaning for “Gwa” is hopefully, same put it at the end of a sentence, e.g I hope I can pass the exam, “Ngoh kau si hui hap gak gwa”, I hope he can remember to come, “Keuih wuih gei dak laih gwa”

Now try these sentences, translate them using “Gwa”.

  1. I hope it will not rain tomorrow.
  2. I guess he still remember my name.
  3. He might come to the wedding tonight.
  4. “Wo”. This partical shows the surprise mood, to remind someone something or suddenly realized issue. For example, I just realized that I haven’t done my homework! In Cantonese, “Ngoh meih jouh yuhn gong fo wo!”, or I am surprised that they have been together for 10 years! In Cantonese, “keuih deih yat chaih jo sahp nihn la wo! Or You need to get up at 6am tomorrow morning, do you remember?”, In Cantonese, “Neih ting jiu yiu luhk dim jung hei san wo!”

You might try to translate these into Cantonese by using “wo” at the end of the sentence.

  1. I just realized that I forgot to turn off the light!
  2. Don’t you remember that you have a meeting with John at 1pm?
  3. I am so surprised that John and Mary got married!
  4. “Ji ma”, this is a compound partical showing the speaker thinks the issue is a tiny, little, not important, for instance, This house costs only 50 million Hong Kong dollars. In Cantonese, “Ni cang lauh ngh chin mahn ji ma.”, another example, I only have 50 channel bags!, In Cantonese, “Ngoh yauh ngh saph go Chanel sau doi ji ma.”. So the above sentences show that the speak believes that 50 million hkd is not a big amount and 50 Chanel bags is too little.

Now see if you can translate the following sentences with “Ji ma”.

  1. David has only been studying Chinese for 3 months, but he can speak fluently now!
  2. I only ate half sandwiches, I am now so hungry.
  3. This pair of shoes only cost 2,000USD, please buy it for me. Thanks.
  4. “ho”, this is the second tone, “ho” in English, it means “isn’t it”, to ask people’s agreement about something, for example, You remember tomorrow is my birthday, don’t you? In Cantonese, we say: “Neih gei dak ting yaht haih ngoh saang yaht, ho?” another example, I owe you 500 dollars, right? In Cantonese, “Ngoh jang neih ngh baak man ho?

Now try these exercises:

  1. They have already told you the address, haven’t they?
  2. The movie starts at 6pm, right?
  3. We are going together to the park, aren’t we?
  4. “lok”, this partical shows the suggestions that the speak make. For instance, How about we go hiking this Sunday? “Ngoh deih ni go sing keih yaht heui haang san lok”, or Shall we buy this blue shirt? “Ngoh deih maaih ni gihn laam sik saam lok”.

You may try to translate the following sentences into Cantonese:

  1. Shall we go for a movie tonight?
  2. Let’s go shopping tomorrow morning!
  3. How about we go on holiday to Thailand next week?