You know who’s gonna be the bravest person in the Marvel Universe?

Whoever has to give She-Hulk a bikini wax.
能给女浩克做比基尼蜜蜡除毛的最有种 (超英雄 绿巨人的表妹)
You want to talk brave, how about Captain America’s undocumented Mexican gardener?
要说有种嘛 美国队长那位从墨西哥偷渡过来的园丁怎么样 (超级英雄 被视为美国精神的象征)
He’s not braver than whoever uses the bathroom after The Thing?
As usual, you’re all wrong. The bravest person in the Marvel Universe is the doctor who gives Wolverine his prostate exam.
果不其然 你们又错了 漫画英雄世界里最有种的人 是那位给金刚狼做前列腺检查的医生
Hows about the guy who gets a prostate exam from Wolverine?
Now you’re just being silly. Wolverine’s never displayed the slightest interest in helping others prevent prostate cancer.
你这是抬杠吧 金刚狼可从来没表示过对帮助他人预防前列腺癌的有一点点兴趣
Hello. Yes, the elevator’s out of order; you’ll have to use the stairs. Of course you can.
喂 对 电梯坏掉了你得爬楼梯了 你当然可以
Pizza dates back to the 16th century, while the first elevator was not installed until 1852. That means that for over 300 years, people carried pizzas up stairs. Be part of that proud tradition.
披萨的历史可以追溯到16世纪 可世界上第一部电梯1852年才面世 也就是说在三百多年的时间里人们都是爬楼梯送披萨的 请继承这一光荣传统吧
I’ll go get Penny while that guy spits on our food.
趁他往披萨上吐口水的功夫 我去叫佩妮过来
Do you think they gave Wolverine an adamantium prostate?
That’s a stupid question.
We’re having a conversation about probing the heinie of superheroes. There are no stupid questions.
我们不是在讨论如何检查超级英雄的菊花吗 这有什么傻逼的
Oh, um, is Penny here?
哦 佩妮在吗
You’re Leonard, right?
对吗 对啊
Damn, it’s good to finally meet you, son.
妈的 终于见到你了 小子
Okay, I think a bit of context here might help.
Oh, hey, Leonard. I see you met my dad.
嗨 莱纳德 你见过我爸爸了
Oh, good. Context.
哇 好了 背景清楚了
Come on in, buddy. Take a load off.
进来吧 伙计 进来坐会儿
Oh, gee, Dad, Leonard can’t stay. He just dropped by to say hello. Thanks for stopping by, sweetie. I’ll see you later.
老爸 莱纳德没时间 他只是顺道来打招呼的 谢谢你过来 亲爱的 咱俩回聊
Bye. That was odd.
拜 真诡异
Are you sure you have enough comics? You’re going to be monitoring the telescope for 12 hours, and by my estimate, you’ve only selected seven hours of reading material.That’s even factoring in your difficulty in parsing American comic book idioms like “Bamf!” and “Snikt!”
你确定这点儿漫画书就够了吗 到时候你可得守12个小时的望远镜 而据我估算你挑的这些书只够看7个小时的 我还算上了 你纠结美国漫画书里这些俚语的时间比如”嘭” “唰”
Is that racist?
It feels racist.
Don’t be oversensitive. He’s calling you illiterate, not your race.
别太敏感了 他是说你文盲 又不是说印度人都文盲
Oh, okay. Good. I don’t need more comics. Howard’s gonna stop by, we’re gonna play.
哦 那就好 我不用再挑漫画书了 霍华德到时候会过来 我们会一起玩
Intergalactic Battleship and Indian Monopoly. I don’t care for novelty editions of Monopoly. I prefer the classics: regular and Klingon.
星际战舰和印度大富翁 我可不喜欢大富翁的新版本 我更喜欢经典的普通版的和克林贡版的
Actually, Indian Monopoly’s just like regular, except the money’s in rupees, instead of hotels you build call centers, and when you pick a Chance card, you might die of dysentery. Just FYI, that was racist.
其实印度大富翁和普通版差不多 只是钱变成了卢比 酒店变成了呼叫中心而已 如果你抽机会卡 有可能死于痢疾顺便告诉你 这才叫种族歧视
You’ll never guess what just happened. You went out in the hallway, stumbled into an interdimensional portal which brought you 5,000 years into the future,where you took advantage of the advanced technology to build a time machine, and now you’re back to bring us all with you to the year 7010 where we are transported to work at the Thinkatorium by telepathically controlled flying dolphins?
你们肯定猜不到刚才发生了什么 你走在去门厅的路上 一不小心跌进了异次元空间之门 来到了5000年后的未来 然后你在那里利用当时的先进技术造了一架时间机器 现在你是回来接我们去7010年 那时候我们就能被派到飞海豚利用通灵术控制的思维水族馆工作了

Penny kissed me.
Well, who would ever guess that?
What-what kind of a kiss?
是 是哪种吻啊
A big kiss. On the mouth.
长吻啊 嘴对嘴的
Is it possible that she was going for your cheek and you moved and she accidentally got lip? That happens with me and my mom all the time.
会不会是她本来想吻你的脸的 结果你的脸一偏她就亲到嘴唇了 我跟我妈经常这样
She introduced me to her father, kissed me and then shut the door in my face.
她跟她老爸介绍了我 吻完我以后就当我面把门关了
Maybe she was trying to send you a message. You think?
也许这是暗示 真的吗
Yeah. “This man is not my father. I’m being held hostage. So I’m going to do something insane in the hopes that you’ll call 911.”
是啊 暗示”这个男的不是我爸爸 我被挟持了 所以我要做一些疯狂之举好暗示你去报警”
Penny kissing me is not insane. She used to kiss me all the time.
佩妮吻我可不是什么疯狂之举 她以前经常吻我的
Einstein defined insanity as “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”By that standard, Penny is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
爱因斯坦对精神病的定义是 “翻来覆去地重复一件事并期冀得到不同的结果” 根据这个标准 佩妮病得不轻
I’m just saying, it felt like it may have meant something.
Ah, this takes me back. Leonard obsessing about Penny.
这话让我想起从前了 那时候佩妮让莱纳德如此着迷
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love your new stuff, but once in a while it’s nice to hear the hits.
别误会 我挺喜欢你现在的状态 但偶尔听听你的痴情独白还是蛮有意思的
Do “Our babies will be smart and beautiful.” That one always makes me laugh.
你再说一遍”我们的孩子会才貌双全” 每次想起这句话我就笑得不行
Why do I bother talking to you people?
If it’ll make you feel better, we rarely listen.
我想说其实我们根本没在听 可能你会感觉好点
Hey, can I talk to you out here for a sec?
Yeah, sure.
I’m starting to think we’re never going to see that pizza.
So you’re probably wondering what that was all about.
What, uh, the kissing and everything?
什么 你指你吻我那件事吗
Nah, women do that to me all the time.
没什么 经常有女人对我这样的啦
Yeah, okay. The thing is, I kind of told my father we got back together again.
好吧 实际上 我貌似跟我爸说我们又在一起了
What? Why?
什么 为什么
Well, you’re the first guy he’s ever really approved of, you know? You’re a scientist who went to college and you don’t have a neck tattoo or outstanding warrants or…or a baby.
你是至今以来第一个被他认可的人 知道吗 你是个上过大学的科学家 你脖子上没有纹身 不是通缉犯 也没孩子
What kind of guys did you used to go out with?
Just guys. Anyway, when I told him we split up, he was heartbroken, and he kept bugging me,”How’s Leonard? Why can’t you get back together with Leonard? I bet Leonard never tipped a cow over on himself.” So to get him off my back, I told him we worked things out.
就是一般人呗 总之 他知道我们分手了以后伤心的要命 他总是问我 莱纳德好吗 你为什么就不能跟莱纳德和好呢 我敢说莱纳德从来不会惹祸上身 (tip a cow翻牛运动 美国农村的愚蠢运动) 所以为了让他不再烦我 我就跟他说咱俩和好了
Really? How-how’d we manage that?
是吗 咱俩是怎么和好的
I mean, did you apologize? Did you have to woo me?
你道歉了吗 还是你跑来追我了
Get over yourself. I whistled, you came running.
少做白日梦了 我一个口哨 你就冲过来了
Yeah, no, I don’t think so.
是吗 我可不这么认为
Okay, why are you arguing about this?
好吧 你干吗要跟我争这个
I’m just saying, if we fake got back together, that’s totally not how it fake happened.
我只是想说 如果我们假装和好 那也肯定不是这么和好的
Okay, whatever. Will you please just play along until my dad leaves?
好吧 随便啦 你能不能就跟我装到我爸离开为止
Hold on, you actually want me to deceive your father with some sort of sham playacting and kissing? ‘Cause I’m good with that.
等一下 你真的想让我用我的演技和吻功来瞒过你老爸吗 我可是这方面的高手
Penny, you out here?
佩妮 你在外面吗
Come on, honey, not in front of my dad.
拜托 亲爱的 别当着我老爸这样啊
Relax, I’ve seen you do a lot worse with a lot stupider.
别担心 我看过你跟烂得多的人干过严重得多的事呢
See? He doesn’t mind.
看吧 他不介意
So, Leonard, I’m taking your gal out for a steak dinner; you want to join us?
莱纳德 我准备带你的女朋友去吃牛排 你要一起来吗
Oh, Dad, that’s nice, but Leonard has to work. Right, Leonard?
爸 你真好人 但是莱纳德还要工作呢 对吧 莱纳德
Uh, I do, I have to work. But I’m gonna blow that off to spend the evening with my sweetie and her father, ’cause, you know, just the kind of boyfriend I am. Come here, you.
没错 我要工作 但我决定丢下工作来陪我的宝贝儿和她的父亲 因为我就是这种体贴的男朋友 过来吧宝贝儿
How could that be a miss? C-6 was a hit, C-8 was a hit. Part of your starship has to be on C-7.
怎么会错呢 C-6中了 C-8也中了 你的飞船肯定有一部分是在C-7上的
Not if it has a hole in the middle.
What kind of spaceship has a hole in the middle? A Romulan Battle Bagel?
什么飞船上会有洞呀 罗慕伦战斗百吉饼
Oh, great, you made it. Come on in. I invited her.
太好了 你来了 快进来 是我请她来的
So, where’s the telescope?
It’s in Hawaii, but Raj controls it from here. He’s hoping to see Epsilon Eridani dim, which would be evidence of a planet orbiting it.
在夏威夷 但是拉杰可以在这里控制 他想观测波江座ε星云 从而证明有行星围绕它的轨道运行
So we just sit and stare at the screen, waiting for something to happen?
I did it with you when we rented the Note Book.
Yes, Gena Rowlands is a treasure.
没错 吉娜·罗兰兹是很漂亮
You’d better open up that bottle of wine or I’m gonna end up with swimmer’s ear.
你最好把那瓶酒开了 不然我的耳朵里就全是他的口水了
Excuse me. I can’t be drinking, I’m about to make an important scientific discovery here.
不好意思 我不能喝酒 我就要完成一个重大的科学发现了
What? Galileo did his best work while drinking wine. How do you know that?
什么 伽利略的伟绩都是喝着酒完成的 你怎么知道
Well, he was Italian. It’s a reasonable assumption.
他是意大利人 意大利人不都这样吗
Dude, can you even open your mouth without spewing a cultural stereotype?
伙计 你是不是一张嘴就要一棒子打死一个民族呀
Oh, I-I’m sorry, Galileo drank Diet Sprite.
好吧 对不起 伽利略喝健怡雪碧
Look, you’re my best friend, she’s my girlfriend; you should bond. You know, like you and my mom did.
你是我的死党 她是我女朋友 你们应该培养感情 就像你跟我妈那样
Your mom creeps the hell out of me.
Yes, but she’s stopped calling you Slumdog Millionaire.
是 但她不再叫你贫民窟的百万富翁了
I do appreciate that.
Here we go.
I’d like to propose a toast. To science and friendship.
我想敬个酒 敬科学和友谊
Hold on. Wait. No, it’s okay, go ahead.
等等 等一下 不 没事了 喝吧
Oh, I was working with penicillin-resistant gonorrhea in the lab today and I was just trying to remember if I washed my hands.
我今天在实验室里研究抗青霉素的淋病 所以我刚才在回忆我有没有洗手
Thanks for the steak, Wyatt.
谢谢你请我吃牛排 怀特
My pleasure. It’s nice to have dinner with a boyfriend of Penny’s that knows how to use a napkin.
不用客气 能跟佩妮找的会用餐巾的男朋友一起吃饭是件好事
So not funny, Dad.
不好笑 老爸
Let me tell you about this one genius she was going out with, this-this fella Donnie.
我跟你介绍一下她之前的男朋友 那个叫多尼的家伙吧
Oh, will you please let it go?
Donnie was gonna make millions turning farm waste into biofuel and selling it to the government.
A lot of people are doing that. Oh, see?
很多人在干这行 听到没
Yeah, but all Donnie did was mix pig poop with a little water and pump it into his mom’s Camry.
但是多尼只是把猪粪混了点水 然后就灌进他妈的凯美瑞里
Yeah, that’s great. It’s a funny story. Moving on.
真不错 故事真好笑 说别的吧
And Donnie was a rocket scientist compared to that boy who wanted to get beer pong into the Olympics.
要是跟那个想把乒乓球啤酒游戏列入奥林匹克项目的家伙比的话 多尼也算是个火箭科学家了
What was his name, sweetheart?
他叫什么名字啊 宝贝儿
Curtis, and I’m pretty sure he was joking.
柯蒂斯 我肯定他在说笑
I don’t know. That petition looked real to me.
我也不知道 他还递了申请呢 我看他挺认真的
Yeah, okay, I think this ends the ex-boyfriend portion of our evening.
好吧 同志们该刹车了 今晚别再提起我前男友了
Well, I’m just glad you finally found yourself a keeper.
Thanks, Wyatt. I’m a keeper.
谢谢 怀特 我是护花使者哟