Reasons Why We Get Divorced

Reasons Why We Get Divorced

Beka told me about her self-care plans for the day of her final divorce hearing as we were getting pedicures. Her two daughters sat between us in child-size pedicure chairs, chattering away and paying no attention to our conversation.

做足部护理时,贝卡(Beka)给我讲她最后的离婚听证会那天的保养计划。她的两个女儿坐在我们之间的儿童修脚椅上聊天,完全不理会我们。

“I scheduled a facial, a massage, and lots of drinks beginning at 2 p.m.,” she said. “I’m going to need this. We know half the attorneys in town, and I bet we’ll see someone in court. Watch it be one of the loudmouths.”

“我从下午两点开始安排美容和按摩,还要大喝一场,”她说。“我需要这个。城里一半的律师我们都认识,我敢打赌我们会在法庭上看到其中一个。搞不好就是嘴不严实的那种。”

English Story – Married but Unhappy

We both laughed and sipped our wine.

我们都笑了,喝了口红酒。

Beka is my boyfriend’s wife, and the girls are their children. I met her husband, Josh, the summer before, on Mother’s Day, which coincided with their 12th wedding anniversary. Beka had shooed him out of the house to host a mother-daughter tea, and he appeared in the seat next to me at a neighborhood bar.

贝卡是我男朋友的妻子,两个女孩是他俩的孩子。去年夏天的母亲节那天,我遇到了她的丈夫乔希(Josh),当时恰逢他俩的结婚12周年纪念日。贝卡把他赶出家门,自己在家主持一个母女茶会。在我家附近的酒吧里,他出现在我身边的座位上。

He says it was love at first sight, while I thought he was just another sexy married guy — strictly off limits.

他说他对我一见钟情,而我觉得他只是又一个性感的已婚男人——这种人绝不能碰。

Over the next two months, as I cycled in and out of tumultuous relationships, he kept popping up. Occasionally we would wave across a coffee shop or exchange a few words on the street. One day he took a seat next to me at another bar, where we joined in the happy-hour conversation about politics and sex.

接下来的两个月里,我接连在几段激烈的感情中进进出出,而他不时冒出来。我们偶尔会在一家咖啡店里打招呼,或者在街头聊两句。有一天,在另一个酒吧里,他来到我身边坐下,我们参与了一场关于政治和性爱的“欢乐时光”谈话。

9 Worst Ways to Propose Marriage

When he left to pick up his children, I wasn’t surprised when he said, “Can I see you again?”

准备离开去接孩子时,他说:“我们能再见面吗?”

I thought: “Just another creep trying to fool around behind his wife’s back.” But I agreed to meet him again, mostly because it was easier than explaining why I wouldn’t and because I was certain I would never have an affair with him.

我想:“又一个背着老婆蠢蠢欲动的恶心家伙。”但我同意再次见面,主要是因为这比解释为什么我不愿见面来得容易,而且我确信自己永远不会和他搞外遇。

I was wrong about Josh. He wasn’t a creep or even a cheater. He was a man who loved his children more than anything. Josh and Beka were a powerhouse couple — affluent, attractive, highly educated, generous — and the backbone of upper-middle-class respectability developing in my bohemian neighborhood.

我看错了乔希。他不是什么恶心家伙,也不是什么骗子。他是一个最爱自己孩子的人。乔希和贝卡是天生一对,他们富有、迷人、受过高等教育、慷慨大方——在我生活的这个波西米亚街区中,中上阶层的体面人士愈来愈多,他俩正是这个阶层的中坚。

They had married in their 20s because they got along, had a lot in common (both are lawyers) and the timing was right; many of their friends were tying the knot. Twelve years in, their marriage seemed to be compatible and right. But it was a union of practicality more than passion, and Josh was miserable. He didn’t think he had any right to be miserable, but he was.

他们在二十多岁时结了婚,因为他们相处得很好,有很多共同点(都是律师),而且时机正合适;他们身边的很多朋友都结了婚。十二年来,他们的婚姻似乎是和睦的、正确的。但是,他们的结合是建立在实际的基础上,而不是出于激情,乔希很痛苦。他觉得自己没有权利痛苦,但他确实痛苦。

I didn’t understand why Josh was willing to break apart everything he had to be with someone like me. I was a struggling academic recovering from a messy divorce, deliberately childless at 40. My devotion to my students and my love for my dogs served as a stand-in for stable and nurturing human relationships.

我不明白为什么乔希愿意离开自己所拥有的一切,只为和我这样的人在一起。我是一个苦苦奋斗的大学教师,正从混乱的离婚中恢复过来,选择到了40岁还没要孩子。在我的生活中,对学生的关注和对家狗们的爱取代了稳定温暖的人际关系。

After many years of struggle, I recently had learned I had bipolar II disorder, which meant I finally had the right medicine. But I was wrestling with shame as I realized how many of my spectacularly bad decisions had been influenced by mental illness. I had to learn how to trust others and myself, and at times it felt like I would never get there.

经过多年斗争,最近我才发现自己患有乙型双相情绪障碍,这意味着我终于有了正确的药可以服用。但是我意识到,自己有太多糟糕的决定都是因为受到精神疾病的影响,羞愧之情简直令我难以承受。我必须学习如何相信别人和我自己,有时我感觉自己永远都做不到。

Josh said he liked me simply because he did. “I am married to a wonderful, successful, beautiful woman,” he said. “By any calculation, I should be happy. But I’m not, so I have decided that I am not going to calculate anymore.”

乔什说他喜欢我就是因为喜欢我。“我娶了一个优秀、成功、美丽的女人,”他说。“从任何角度估算,我都应该感到高兴。但我并不高兴,所以我决定不再算了。”

As we spent more time together, everything about our relationship felt natural. There was no imbalance in our love for one another, and we shared the same values and sense of humor. It turns out that Josh’s refusal to calculate — and my distrust in my ability to calculate — led us to the best decision of our lives: to do what it would take to be together. But that meant inflicting undeserved pain on others.

我们在一起度过了更多时间,两人之间的一切都是自然而然的。我们之间的爱情没有任何不平衡的感觉,我们也拥有同样的价值观和幽默感。事实证明,乔希拒绝估算——以及我对自己估算能力的不信任——导致我们做出了生命中最好的决定:不计任何代价也要在一起。但这意味着给别人造成不应有的痛苦。

On a sticky Sunday in August, when Josh and Beka’s children were staying with his mother, he asked her for a divorce. At first she refused to believe he was serious. Then she grew so angry that she shook.

在8月一个闷热的星期天,乔希和贝卡的孩子们去奶奶那里了,他跟她提出了离婚。起初,她不相信他是认真的。而后她变得非常生气,浑身颤抖。

A visibly upset Josh met me after she told him to leave the house. He was ashamed, relieved and almost physically sick with sorrow.

贝卡把乔希赶了家门,他来找我,显然非常难过。他感到羞愧,又觉得如释重负,同时也因为悲伤而几乎觉得身体上生病了。

“I could handle her anger,” he said. “And I agreed with everything she said. It’s unthinkable for me to dismantle all we’ve built. But I fell apart when she started to cry. She put her head on my chest while she cried. I’ve never felt so horrible in my life.”

“我可以应对她的愤怒,”他说。“我同意她说的一切。毁掉我们建立起来的一切对我来说是无法想像的。但她一哭,我就崩溃了。她把头靠在我胸口上哭。我从来没觉得这么难受过。”

About a month later, he told Beka about me. This time, her anger was not tinged by sorrow; she was furious. After hours of shouting, however, she began to feel better than she had since Josh first mentioned divorce.

大约一个月后,他告诉了贝卡我的事。这一次,她的愤怒并没有因为悲伤而减轻,她十分愤怒。不过,经过几个小时的喊叫之后,她开始觉得比乔希第一次提出离婚时好一些了。

“It makes more sense for the divorce to be about another woman,” he said. “Many of our friends are going through divorces for the same reason. And I’ll admit, she felt a lot better when I told her you’re four years older than she is. She assumed you would be about 25.”

“因为第三者而离婚更说得过去,”他说。“我们的很多朋友都是因为同样的原因离婚的。我必须承认,当我告诉她你比她大四岁时,她感觉好多了。她以为你只有25岁左右。”

Then Beka surprised us both. Through Josh, she invited me to dinner.

然后,贝卡做了一件让我们俩都感到意外的事。她通过乔希邀请我共进晚餐。

“What?” I said. “Seriously? How is that going to work?” I didn’t see how a dinner could be pulled off without the whole thing erupting in open conflict or stalling into awkward silence. But, again, I was wrong.

“什么?”我说,“不会吧?那怎么行呢?”我觉得我们的晚餐一定会演变成公开冲突,或者陷入尴尬的沉默。但是,我又错了。

“I had to meet you,” Beka said as she opened the door. “Josh wants you to meet our girls, but I need to get to know you first.”

“我必须跟你见面,”贝卡开门时说。“乔希想让你见见我们的女儿们,但我得先了解你。”

Her smile seemed genuine, her eyes kind. She was small and beautiful, somehow elegant in casual shorts. Although I am short as well, I felt huge and ungainly next to her.

她的微笑似乎是真诚的,她的眼神是友好的。她娇小美丽,穿着休闲短裤依然透着几分优雅。虽然我也很矮,但在她身边,我觉得自己高大笨拙。

Josh was practically disabled by anxiety during that three-hour dinner. As Beka and I got to know each other, he drank nonstop. But Beka made sure I felt totally at ease. Our conversation ranged from trivial matters and uproarious stories about neighborhood matters to serious acknowledgment of our unusual situation.

在那三个小时的晚餐中,乔希因为焦虑而六神无主。在我和贝卡了解彼此时,他不停地喝酒。但贝卡确保我完全放松。我们既谈到琐碎的小事和滑稽的邻里故事,也严肃地承认我们面临的情况很特殊。

After we all had hugged good night, I thought, “This won’t last.” I braced myself for the wrath to come, but it never materialized. Instead, Beka introduced me to their adorable children, and my immediate bond with them made me silently rejoice that I didn’t have children of my own. It was as if I had been saving my maternal love for Rose and Alice, who were then 7 and 3.

在我们拥抱、互道晚安后,我心想:“这不会持续太久。”我等着愤怒到来,但它一直没有出现。相反,贝卡把我介绍给了他们可爱的孩子,我和她们立刻产生了感情,这让我暗自庆幸自己没生孩子。好像我把母爱都留给了罗丝(Rose)和爱丽丝(Alice),当时她们分别7岁和3岁。

One day they brought tears to my eyes when, after a raucous game of me holding them upside down and tickling them, we snuggled on the couch to watch a movie.

有一天,她们让我热泪盈眶。我抱着她们翻跟头,挠痒痒。热闹的游戏之后,我们依偎在沙发上看电影。

“I love you,” Rose whispered. “I’m so glad you’re part of my family.”

“我爱你,”罗丝小声说,“我很高兴你是我们家庭的一员。”

Beka was the one who worked the hardest to make me part of the family. She invited me to birthday parties and smoothed the socially turbulent waters by introducing me to friends who had been indignant on her behalf. Afterward, we giggled at the shocked faces people made when they met me.

贝卡是那个最努力让我成为这个家庭一员的人。她邀请我参加生日聚会,把我介绍给那些为她感到不平的朋友们,理顺混乱的社交关系。后来,回想起人们见到我时震惊的脸庞,我们会忍不住咯咯大笑。

When Josh moved out of their house into a duplex, we had family dinners and celebrated holidays together to ease the transition for the girls. While friends and family shook their heads in bafflement, we forged our relationship based on mutual respect, empathy and an overpowering love for those two beautiful children.

乔希从他们的房子里搬出来,搬到了一个复式公寓里。我们共进家庭晚餐,一起庆祝节日,帮助两个孩子平稳过渡。朋友和家人都困惑地摇头,而我们基于相互尊重、同理心以及对那两个漂亮孩子强烈的爱,彼此建立了友谊。

The one thing I don’t know, and may never know, is whether our bond is genuine affection on Beka’s part or the result of her sheer will to make this work, to avoid falling prey to bitterness, to refuse to be a victim.

我现在不知道、而且可能永远也不会知道的是,贝卡跟我做朋友是真的因为喜欢我,还是仅仅为了能让这种局面维持下去,避免成为痛苦的牺牲品,拒绝成为受害者。

It isn’t my place to ask such a thing, and ultimately it doesn’t matter.

我没资格问这个问题,它最终也变得无关紧要。

I am in awe of the grace and maturity she has displayed throughout what I suspect is the most traumatic event of her life. She even liked this essay, telling me after reading it: “I’m so glad you get it. I wish more divorces ended up like this. It’s better for the kids and the parents.”

我很敬佩她在这件可能是一生中最痛苦的事情中所表现出来的优雅和成熟。她甚至很喜欢这篇文章,读完后对我说:“我很高兴你能明白。我希望更多的离婚能有这样的结局。这对孩子和父母都好。”

I have silently mourned with her, though I suspect she wouldn’t appreciate that. She never breathes a word of anger or resentment to her children, and they have never reproached their father or me for the immeasurable disruption we have caused to their lives. She and Josh and I have done everything we can to shield them from the anger and damage so common in divorce.

我默默地为她感到伤心,尽管我觉得她并不会为此感激我。她从来没向孩子们表达过愤怒或怨恨,孩子们也从来没有因为我和她们的父亲对她们的生活造成的不可估量的破坏责怪我们。她、乔希和我竭尽全力,保护她们免受离婚通常会带来的愤怒和伤害。

Every now and again when I have thanked Beka for an invitation to a family event or gone out to get medicine for a sick child in the middle of the night, she has texted me words of gratitude that I treasured even while feeling I didn’t deserve them.

每当我感谢贝卡邀请我参加家庭活动,或者我在深夜里为生病的孩子买药时,她总是给我发短信表示感激,我很珍惜那些话,尽管我觉得自己不值得感激。

“The girls adore you,” she wrote. “And you truly treat them like they’re your own. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”

“两个小姑娘都很喜欢你,”她写道,“你真的待她们像亲生女儿一样。你不知道这对我有多么重要。”

And I can’t tell her how much this family we all have forged means to me.

她也不知道,我们共同组建的这个家对我来说多么重要。

9 Worst Ways to Propose Marriage

9 Worst Ways to Propose Marriage

9. With a flash mob 第九名:快闪求婚

Flash mobs were cool, like, five years ago. And only then the really well done ones. And even then, not for proposals.

快闪是挺炫酷,但那是五年前的事了。而且也只有在那段时间,快闪才让人啧啧称奇。但就算是在五年前,快闪也不是用来求婚的。

The chances are it’ll all be a bit amateur and thus totally cringe. Plus, your significant other is going to be left with a huge crowd watching her reaction. Talk about pressure.

快闪求婚可能会让你显得有些业余,搞不好会让场面变得十分尴尬。另外,会有一大群人围观你另一半的反应,想想看那压力有多大!

Learn Cantonese in Hong Kong – Get Married

8. By tricking her 第八名:耍花招

You may think it’s hilarious to try and trick your partner into thinking one of you is being arrested or you’re having a heart attack, but the chances are it’s just going to scare the s*** out of them. Avoid.

你可能会觉得骗对方说你们当中有人被捕或者你心脏病突然发作这些做法非常有趣,但这样很有可能会把对方吓晕。千万别试!

7. Something lame 第七名:毫无准备

Whatever you do, don’t just turn to her one day and say: “So when are we getting married then?” Do it properly. Everyone wants to be asked properly. It doesn’t need to be a huge affair but it needs to feel special, no matter how low-key that is.

不管你干什么,千万不要只是随便找一天然后突然跑去问她:“那我们到底什么时候结婚呢?”要在适当的时机求婚,谁都想被求婚时恰逢其时。求婚不需要非常隆重,可以很低调,但一定要别出心裁。

English Story – Married but Unhappy

6. When she’s being celebrated for something else 第六名:当她在庆祝别的事时

Remember the Chinese diver who proposed to his girlfriend when she was being presented with her silver medal at the 2016 Olympics? DO NOT BE THAT GUY!

还记得2016年奥运会上,何姿喜获银牌后,向她求婚的秦凯吗?千万别学他!

Don’t try and overshadow her achievement. Don’t make it all about you. Let her have her moment, jeez.

这样做只会抢走她的风头,让你自己成为焦点。唉!为什么就不能让她好好享受属于她的时刻呢!

Also don’t do it at any occasion that could steal someone else’s thunder. A wedding, for example, would be one to avoid.

同样,也别在任何可能抢走别人的风头的情景下求婚。比如在别人婚礼上,这些都是雷区!

5. With a very adult discussion 第五名:求婚时讨论过于实际的问题

Dear Lord, please do not do it in the context of discussing mortgages and joint bank accounts and whose family you’ll spend Christmas with. Getting engaged isn’t something to be done lightly, but you want there to be at least some romance and magic.

天啊!千万不要在刚讨论房贷、共同银行账户和圣诞节去谁家过等问题后求婚。虽然订婚不是儿戏,但其中至少还是要有些浪漫和神秘的。

4. On her birthday or Christmas 第四名:在她生日或圣诞节当天求婚

Do not do this. Just do not. There are so many reasons why you shouldn’t propose on an already special day.

千万别在这些日子求婚。这些日子虽然特殊,但不能在这些日子求婚的理由可谓数不胜数。

If you propose on her birthday and then everything goes tits up between you two, you’ve just ruined her birthday for the rest of her life. Plus, doing it another day gives you two separate celebrations on two separate days.

如果在她生日当天求婚,而你俩没能走到一起,这无异于把她之后的生日聚会都给毁了。如果在别的日子求婚,你们俩还可以多出一个特别的庆祝日。

If you propose on Christmas Day, no one else in the world will care as much because they’re all busy celebrating Christmas, duh. And again, you could tarnish both your Christmases forevermore if it doesn’t work out. I’m just being realistic. It could happen.

如果在圣诞节求婚,没几个人会理你,因为大伙都在忙着过节啊!还有,如果求婚失败,你岂不是亲手毁了你俩以后每个圣诞节?我只是比较实际罢了,这种事真的可能发生。

3. On a big screen 第三名:用大屏幕求婚

Whether it’s in Times Square or in a sports stadium, do not propose on the big screen. It’s cliché and also puts a lot of pressure on your partner to react in the right way.

不要用大屏幕求婚!无论那个屏幕是在时代广场还是在体育场,都不要!这招简直土得不行,而且对方还得想如何表现得大方得体,真是压力山大。

Awkwardness of proposals is directly correlated with publicness, so it’s best to keep things more intimate.

求婚时另一半会感到尴尬往往是因为在公共场合许多人都在围观,所以奉劝大家还是别太张扬。

2. In a restaurant 第二名:在餐厅里求婚

Oh, so basic. Is there any worse place to propose than in a restaurant? Even if it’s her favourite/where you had your first date/the best restaurant in the world, don’t do it. Do it after, somewhere else, fine. But dear God, not in the restaurant.

这是最基本的常识。餐厅简直是最糟糕的求婚地点——就算那是她最爱的餐厅,是你俩第一次约会的地方,是全世界最好的餐厅——也不要在那儿求婚!你可以在离开餐厅后,找个其他地方求婚,但千万别在餐厅里!

Definitely don’t hide the ring in a glass of champagne or a piece of cake (eww that’s just going to get messy), and please for the love of all that is romantic, don’t draw the attention of everyone in the restaurant by getting down on one knee at the side of the table.

更别把戒指放在香槟杯里或蛋糕里(呃,真的会弄得一团糟),就算是想让气氛浪漫点,也别在桌边单膝跪地,那会引来餐厅里所有人的目光。

I know, the prospect for a free pudding is very appealing. But it’s not worth it. Wait till you’re alone somewhere private afterwards.

餐厅求婚可能会拿到免费赠送的布丁,我理解,但太不值了。等到你俩单独相处时再求婚吧。

1. Spelling out ‘marry me’ in rose petals 第一名:用玫瑰花瓣拼出“嫁给我”

Could there be anything more cliché?

拜托,还可以再老套一点吗?

Truth be told, there is only one good way to propose, and that’s with something personal – whether it be where you first or at a place special to the two of you.

说实话,最佳的求婚方式只有一种:私下求婚。可以去你们初次相遇的地方或者某个对你们俩都很有特殊意义的地方。

One would like to hope that if you’re proposing to someone, you’ll know whether they’d prefer an elaborate or simple proposal. But whatever you do, steer clear of the clichés.

你的伴侣会希望你知道他们对于求婚方式的喜好——精心准备的还是简单朴素的。不管你打算怎样求婚,切记避开这些俗套的方式。

4 Little Things That Make You Happier

4 Little Things That Make You Happier

Are you happy?

你幸福吗?

It’s a question we might ask ourselves here and there when something great (or awful) happens to us. But think about it in a general sense: When was the last time you evaluated your overall happiness and satisfaction with life?

当我们遇上什么开心事(或伤心事)的时候,我们会时不时地问自己这个问题。但从大的方向想想:你上一次评估自己总体上对生活的快乐和满意程度,是什么时候?

There are so many factors to consider when answering that question that it can feel overwhelming or, even worse, become yet another stressor weighing on your happiness. But it’s a topic that’s ripe for introspection, so we’ve put together the official New York Times guide on how to be happy. In it you’ll find guidance ranging from tips for conquering negative thinking to assessing the effect of marriage on your happiness.

要回答这个问题,有太多的因素需要考虑,或许会让人感到喘不过气,或更糟糕——变成阻碍幸福的又一个压力源。但这是一个适合拿来反思的话题。因此,我们总结出了《纽约时报》官方幸福指南。在此,不论你是想得到如何克服消极想法的小建议,还是想评估婚姻对你的幸福有何影响,都能找到指导。

But today we’re going to focus on the four things you can do right now(ish) to improve your happiness. Because you deserve it, friends.

但我们今天的重点在你(大概)现在就能做的四件可以提高幸福感的事。因为,朋友们,你们受之无愧。

Conquer your negative thinking

攻克消极想法

Humans have evolved to focus on the negative. If we overlearn a bad situation, we’re more inclined to avoid those situations in the future or react more quickly, writes Tara Parker-Pope in our happiness guide.

人类在演化中形成了对负面的关注。如果我们对一个糟糕的情况进行了过度学习,那么以后会更倾向于避开这类情况,或是更快地作出反应,塔拉·帕克-波普(Tara Parker-Pope)在我们的幸福指南中这样写道。

But, as we all know, that isn’t always helpful in a modern world. When something bad happens, we tend to overanalyze and have trouble getting our mind off it.

但正如我们所知,在现代社会,这样做并不总是好的。当坏事发生时,我们往往过度分析,很难不去想它。

The trick to avoiding those spirals and rabbit holes of misery is to acknowledge and challenge our negative thoughts. Rather than try to bury them, we should own those thoughts and ask ourselves a few questions, like, “What is the evidence for this thought?” or “Am I basing this on facts or on feelings?” A little self-investigation can help us get over the thoughts that just won’t leave our heads otherwise.

要避开这些让人不断下落、痛苦难过的“兔子洞”,窍门在于去认识并挑战我们的消极思想。与其将其埋藏,我们更应掌控这些念头,问自己一些问题,比如,“这个想法的证据在哪?”或“我是凭事实说话,还是光凭感情?”一些自我审查可以帮助我们克服这些想法,否则它们也不会自己消散。

Forgive yourself

原谅自己

This one is really simple: Go easy on yourself. If you’re compassionate and supportive of other people, why shouldn’t you give yourself the same luxury?

这一点非常好办:对自己好一些。如果你能对他人怀有同理心,能给予他人支持,为什么不给自己同等的待遇呢?

This can be a difficult concept for those of us who tend to beat ourselves up over perceived failures, so our guide has an exercise you can use to practice. Write yourself a letter of compassion just as you would to a neighbor or friend who had experienced a hardship. The concept is the same, only the recipient is you.

这个概念,对我们这样喜欢在面对失败时对自己狠一些的人来说,或许有些难以理解。因此,我们的指南里有一个可以用来练习的活动。给自己写一封宽慰信吧,就像你会给一位经历困难的邻居或朋友写的那样。主旨是一样的,只不过收信人是你自己。

Money helps, but only to a point

钱,有用,但作用有限

An often-cited study from a few years ago boldly named the amount of money at which happiness peaks: $75,000 per year. Another recent (but less rigorous) examination put that number at $100 million. Still another study said lottery winners are no happier than the rest of us.

几年前一个常被引用的研究大胆地提出了能使幸福感到达巅峰的金额:75000美元/年。最近又有一项(没那么严格的)调查把这个数字推到了1亿美元。还有一项研究指出,中了大奖的人并不比普通人更幸福。

Mmm … what?

呃……什么?

The truth is, we’re plagued by the constant craving for the next thing. Tara calls this the “hedonic treadmill” in the happiness guide and, essentially, we’re stuck on it.

事实是,我们为心心念念的“下一个”东西所困。在幸福指南里,塔拉称其为“快乐跑步机”。可以说,我们正被困在这座跑步机之上。

A more helpful way to look at this idea is to find purpose and meaning at work. Rather than focusing on work as a means to earn money, try to find genuine satisfaction and purpose in the work you do. Studies have shown this is possible in every type of job.

去找到工作的目的和意义是一个比较有用的方法。与其只把工作看做挣钱的途径,不妨试着在工作中找到真正的满足和目标。研究表明,这一点在各个类型的工作中都可以做到。

Buy more time

买回更多的时间

English Lesson Hong Kong – How to be happy everyday?

If given the choice between buying material things and buying services that save you time, you might want to think about the timesavers.

如果让你在买更多物质上的东西和买能节省时间的服务之间选择,你或许可以考虑能节省时间的。

In two surveys cited in our guide to happiness, researchers found that people who spent money on conveniences like ordering takeout for dinner or getting a cab were happier than those who didn’t.

在幸福指南引用的两个调查中,研究人员发现,把钱花在便利服务上的人——比如晚餐会定外卖、会打车的人,比不这么做的人更幸福,

So what does that mean for you? If you can afford it, buy yourself some extra time. (Yes, this is permission to order a pizza for dinner tonight.)

那么,这对你来说意味着什么呢?如果负担得起,给自己买回更多的时间吧。(是的,意思就是你今晚可以点披萨吃了。)

What’s your key to happiness? Do you have any tricks for staying positive? I want to hear ’em! Email me at tim@nytimes.com or tweet me @timherrera.

你的幸福秘诀是什么?你有没有保持积极的小窍门?我都想知道!请通过我的邮箱tim@nytimes.com或在Twitter上@timherrera告诉我吧!

Have a great week!

祝你一周愉快!

Things You Should Do When You Get Old

Things You Should Do When You Get Old

Soon after my 50th birthday, 10 years ago, I started keeping a list of “Things I will do/things I won’t do when I get old.”

十年前,就在我50岁生日刚过不久,我开始列一个“我老了以后会做的/不会做的事情”的清单。

It was a highly judgmental, and super secret, accounting of all the things I thought my parents were doing wrong. My dad lied chronically about taking his meds. He refused to get a hearing aid, telling others to “up their audio” (he had been a television producer). My mom smoked behind my back (she thought) until the day she was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was all too easy to call them out, and I recognized over and over just how awful it is to become feeble, sick and increasingly absent-minded, or worse.

这是一份极其苛刻、高度私密的清单,记下了所有我认为父母做得不对的事。我的父亲在吃药这件事上总是习惯性地撒谎。他拒绝配助听器,还让别人“把音频提一提”(他之前是电视制片人)。我的母亲(自以为)瞒着我偷偷抽烟,直到有一天被诊断出肺癌。要揭穿他们太容易了,我一次又一次地认识到,人的身体开始虚弱、患病,越来越健忘,或者有什么更大的毛病,是多么糟糕。

Over the next decade I accumulated many pages of dos and don’ts, even as I fretted about exactly when I’d be old enough to start following my own advice. Recently I heard a sociologist on the radio call people in their early 60s, “the young old.” I imagine that my “young adult” nieces might consider me “old, old” already, but I don’t feel ready yet to start taking my own advice. I’m still working on building my list, not implementing it.

5 Reasons Why You Are Never Too Old To Learn A Foreign Language

接下来的十年里,我把“该做”和“不该做”的事积累了很多页,即使我有时会苦恼,因为不知道自己何时才能开始遵守自己的建议。最近,我从电台里听到一个社会学家把60岁的人称为“年轻老人”。我想,我的“年轻成年”外甥女或许已经把我当成“老老人”了,但要开始听从自己的建议,我觉得自己还没准备好。我还在努力扩展我的清单,而不是在实践它。

The entries on that list reflect my frustration of seeing the price my parents paid for their stubbornness. Take my mother’s terrifying driving, for instance. A growing number of fender benders, and worse, didn’t faze her, and she would not listen to any talk of her fading ability behind the wheel. In desperation, I reported Mom to the D.M.V. and they called her in for a road test. She failed it, and her license was revoked. It humiliated Mom, and tormented me.

清单上收录的,反映了我的不满——对那些在我看来是父母因为顽固而付出的代价的不满。就拿我母亲吓人的车技举例吧。小事故或更大一些的事故不断增多,但对她毫无影响。她也听不进任何有关她驾驶能力退化的劝告。走投无路之下,我向机动车辆管理局(D.M.V.)举报了她,他们通知她去参加路考。她没有通过,驾照被吊销了。这让她感到丢脸,也让我感到折磨。

Here’s how it appears on my list:

我的清单上是这么写的:

“If my driving capability is questioned, I will not reject the comment out of hand because I am afraid of losing my independence. I hope there will be self-driving cars by then. If nothing else works, I hope someone will turn me in.”

“如果有人质疑我的驾驶能力,我不会因为害怕丧失独立性而马上拒绝别人的建议。我希望到时能有无人驾驶的汽车。如果别的办法都不管用了,我希望有人可以去举报我。”

My biggest worry as I watched my parents grow old was their increasing physical frailty. Who hasn’t heard that hip fractures from falls are a leading cause of death among the elderly? I know my father had, if only because we talked about it with him ad nauseam. I pointed out the consequences of his own mother’s pride in refusing a cane or walker: At age 84, Grandma fell while riding the New York City subway alone, and that fall led over the months that followed to her death.

看着父母变老,我最大的担忧就是他们愈加虚弱的身体。谁没听说过老年人的主要死亡原因是摔倒导致的髋骨骨折?我知道我父亲是听过的,但不过也只是因为我们不厌其烦地和他说了又说。我指出了他的母亲不愿使用拐杖或助行器的自尊心带来的后果:祖母在独自乘坐纽约地铁时摔倒,导致她在几个月后去世,终年84岁。

After literally hundreds of falls, none of which persuaded him to accept help or use a walker, Dad, at 87, finally came down hard and broke four ribs. That accident jump-started the slide that led to his death. I ask myself: Will my self-awareness triumph over my own (apparently genetic) stubbornness?

几乎快上百次的摔倒都没能说服父亲同意接受帮助或使用助行器。87岁时,他终于重重地摔了一跤,四根肋骨骨折。自那场事故后,他的身体每况愈下,直到去世。我问自己:我的自我意识能否战胜自己(显然是遗传)的固执呢?

So on my list is what I told my dad time and again:

所以,清单上是我对我父亲再三说过的话:

“I’ll try to remember that the best way to stay independent is to accept smaller degrees of dependence or assistance. I’ll use a walker rather than fall and break bones.”

“我会努力记住,保持独立最好的方式便是接受轻度的依赖或帮助。我会使用助行器,而不是摔断骨头。”

A friend of mine put it this way: “I will use a walker so I won’t fall, even when it wrecks my outfit.” Designer walkers, anyone?

我的一个朋友这么写:“我会使用助行器,才能避免跌倒,就算它会弄破我的衣服。”设计师款助行器,有人要吗?

I’ll admit that vanity drives a number of my dos and don’ts. About eight years in I wrote:

我承认,其中一些“要做”和“不要做”事项是虚荣心所致。大概在第八年的时候,我写道:

“I will not blame the family dog on my lap for my incontinence. I will choose the humiliation of wearing adult diapers over the humiliation of wetting my bed and having someone else clean the sheets.”

“我不会因为自己大小便失禁,就把过错推给正趴在我腿上的家狗。我宁可接受穿成人尿布的羞耻,也不愿接受自己尿床后还要让别人帮我收拾床单的羞耻。”

For years, my dad chose the latter. Heck, maybe I’ll even grow in my self-acceptance so that I won’t view incontinence as humiliation.

多年以来,我父亲都选择了后者。搞不好我都能培养起足够的自我认同,不再把大小便失禁当成耻辱。

I also want to maintain some style. Right until the end my mother, who died earlier this year, continued to have her hair styled and colored, and her manicured nails painted her trademark Jungle Red. I wrote:

我也想保持一点儿时尚。今年去世的母亲在最后的日子里也一直在染发、做发型,指甲也做成了她标志性的丛林红色。我写道:

“If I can’t take care of my personal grooming any more, I will find help. If I don’t care about my personal grooming any more, I will find different help.” At the very least I want to be clean — and smell fresh, like Mom — so people sit by me and hold my hand.

“如果我不能自己梳洗了,我会寻求帮助。如果我不再在意自己的梳妆打扮了,我会寻求别的帮助。至少我希望自己是干净的——和母亲一样,闻起来要清新——这样才有人愿意坐在我旁边,拉我的手。”

“Whiten teeth” is also on my list. A friend of mine has this entry on her list: “Wear pants that touch the tops of my shoes at least.”

“洁牙”也在我的清单上。我的一个朋友在她的清单上写了这一条:“至少要穿能碰到鞋面的裤子。”

My list also acknowledges my quickness to anger, which is a trait I shared with both parents. A year before Mom’s death her aide repeatedly asked her to do some post-surgical breathing exercises prescribed by the oncologist, but which she hated doing because they were challenging. One afternoon, Mom, in deep frustration, lashed out at the aide using language I’m too embarrassed to repeat, and I was the one who took the aide’s call of justified complaint. Onto my list went:

我的清单也承认了我易怒的特点,这是我和父母共有的。母亲去世的一年前,她的护工再三地要求她进行肿瘤医生要求的术后呼吸练习,但她讨厌这么做,因为做起来很困难。一个下午,极度沮丧的母亲冲护工大发脾气,骂着一些我都不好意思重复的话,而那个护工打来的合理的投诉电话,接听的人是我。我在清单上写道:

“If I’m hurt or angry by what’s happening to me or my body, I will do my best not to take it out on those who are closest to me.”

“如果我因为一些发生在我身上的事情、或是我身体的问题感到受伤或者生气,我会尽我所能不对与我最亲近的人发脾气。”

“I will be kind.” “我会友善。”

“I will apologize.” “我会道歉。”

As I march onward from 60, I continue to pay attention and maintain my list. But I remain mindful of what one friend told me: “The important thing is to remember no matter how much we tell ourselves we won’t be like our parents, no matter how hard and fast we run in the other direction, we become them.”

当我迈入60岁时,我仍然会留意、记录清单。但我一直记着一个朋友对我说的:“重要的是要记住,不论我们如何告诉自己,不要变得像我们的父母一样,不论我们朝着另一个方向跑得多用力、多快,我们都会变成他们。”

Please, no! 拜托,别这样!

Ironically, I have some guidance on that as well. My grandmother, the one who fell on the subway, once made a similar list, which I found among my father’s papers. Hers included:

讽刺的是,我对此也有一些方法。我在父亲的文件里发现,我那位在地铁上摔倒的祖母也曾列过一个相似的清单。她的清单包括:

1. Do not fall.

1. 不要摔倒;

2. Work on controlling forgetfulness

2. 努力控制健忘;

3. Think before you speak

3. 思考过后再开口;

4. Eat moderately and no rich desserts

4. 适度饮食,不吃油腻的甜品;

5. Do the best you can. Learn by your errors.

5. 尽自己可能地做到最好,从错误中学习。

I certainly hope to learn from her errors, and my parents’, and avoid making too many of my own. Mostly I hope to be able to judge when to stop adding to the list, and start following its advice.

我当然希望能从她的、还有我的父母的错误中学习,也避免让自己犯太多错误。我主要还是希望能判定自己何时能不再记录清单,而是开始按这份清单的建议行事。

3 things you should know about Sushi

3 things you should know about Sushi

Adrienne: So, Hiroshi, I need to take some friends out for sushi and I think they’re hoping I can tell them what to order, and I have no idea about sushi. Can you help me?

Hiroshi: OK. Sushi.. well, if you go to sushi restaurant, you notice there is two kind of big categories, that there are the two different kinds of sushi. One is negiri, the fish cut of sashimi on top of vinegared rice and also the seaweed wrap-type, that’s also tekamaki, or maki. That’s the two big categories I guess as for sushi goes.

And also, not that many people know that but this if you go to sushi restaurant, many real sushi restaurants serve you miso soup. They get soup, have a soup stock that is coming from the fish they use, so sometimes you get to have great miso soup at the sushi restaurant and also some little appetizer type. They might have something that you probably usually don’t see in isakaya or any Japanese restaurant, so it’s always good to ask the sushi chef what’s on the side menu.

Adrienne: OK, so I should ask the sushi chef. And the two types are negiri, which is the kind you usually think of sushi when you see it, right? It’s the rice with the fish on top and then the other kind, you said tekamaki? What does that mean?

Hiroshi: Tekamaki or maki, it’s basically the seaweed, the black seawead, it’s wrapped around the rice. It’s one that you may have seen on TV that they like create the bed, the rice bed, and put cucumbers or tuna and also put the seaweed and you roll it up and you have this long stick of sushi and the sushi chef cuts in a bite for edible piece, so yeah, it’s different, but yeah, you also dip that into soy sauce, so.

Adrienne: OK, I think I got it. So, you’re talking the tekamaki are more like the rolls that you see.

Hiroshi: Or, one that has a cone shape, that they use the entire seaweed. It’s like an ice-cream cone, that it goes upward.

Adrienne: You eat the whole thing?

Hiroshi: You actually do eat the whole thing. Yeah.

Adrienne: OK. I think I got it.

How to choose which sushi to eat?

How to choose which sushi to eat

Adrienne: So, Hiroshi, when I go to a sushi restaurant, how do I know what to order?

Hiroshi: It depends on the mood I’d have to say cause there is a variety of sushi that you can order. One, I usually think, there’s a fatty, really big flavor sushi which is toro, it’s a fatty part of tuna. Even within the toro, you get o-toro, chu-toro. There’s like several different kinds. It depends on how much the fat part is being contained, so if you want to go for the big flavor, I would definitely go for toro, the fatty tuna.

What is the correct way to eat sushi?

Take the Interactive

Audio Quiz

(Flash Required)

Adrienne: So fatter is better? For Tuna?

Hiroshi: It depends. Yes, they also have just regular red maguro, which is just the red tuna, with just lean tuna part, so it doesn’t contain any fat. It’s also good, so it depends on you’re mood

Also, actually, my dad used to tell me that like you always end with eggs because it cleanses your palette, so…

Adrienne: Eggs like chicken eggs?

Hiroshi: Ah, yes, just regular eggs. That tamago eggs, that’s kind of like scrambled eggs, but it’s on top of the rice.

Adrienne: Oh, that’s the big yellow cube.

Hiroshi: The big yellow one.

Adrienne: I know it. OK… So, if I order sushi it’s going to be shellfish or fish or egg? Always?

Hiroshi: You also get some vegetables. Cucumbers, Kanpyo – that’s another type of kind of marinated vegetable, and also nowadays some sushi restaurants have avocado. That’s actually reverse imported from the United States. The traditional Japanese restaurant never had avocado as a menu, but since the United States, California-style.

Adrienne: California roll. I know it.

Hiroshi: It became very popular, that some Japanese started enjoying the California style sushi, so that you can sometimes get even in Japan nowadays.

Adrienne: I had one time, in America, I had a Seattle roll which was cream cheese and salmon in rice and seaweed, so really different cause usually there’s not cheese in sushi right?

Hiroshi: : Traditionally, you’d never see cheese in any sushi menu if you go to old-school sushi restaurant in Tokyo, probably they’re gonna laugh at you.

Adrienne: Yeah, it did seem a little bit strange.

What is the correct way to eat sushi?

What is the correct way to eat sushi

Adrienne: So how do you eat the sushi? What’s the best way to eat it?

Hiroshi: I usually use chopsticks but some people, they definitely prefer just using hands.

Adrienne: You can eat with your hands at the restaurant?

Hiroshi: The restaurant if it’s more an upscale restaurant, that it has a little art deco that you feel that it is not like old school, but really upscale restaurant. I would recommend to use chopsticks but if it’s an old school sushi restaurant and in downtown area, yeah, it’s totally acceptable to use your hands.

Adrienne: Interesting. OK, so I am eating maybe with chopsticks or with my hands. Is there anything I need to put on the sushi or eat with the sushi or do I just eat is straight?

Hiroshi: OK, I think the big question’s always, how much wasabi.

Adrienne: Wasabi? What’s wasabi?

Hiroshi: Wasabi is a horseradish. It’s really hot. The green one you might have seen.

Adrienne: Oh, it looks like putty.

Handsome men and beautiful women often…

Hiroshi: Correct. And the real sushi restaurant, they actually either ask you or you basically let the sushi chef decide how much they are gonna put on the sushi, and you basically, you just use soy sauce as a dip and eat it, so if you really don’t like to have anything spicy you might want to tell the chef that I don’t need wasabi in my sushi.

Adrienne: OK, I saw someone once at a sushi restaurant put wasabi in the soy sauce. Is that acceptable?

Hiroshi: That’s acceptable but it depends on the restaurant. Some restaurants actually give you wasabi along with your sushi dish and you add the wasabi onto the soy sauce trey. That’s totally fine. You can control the hotness, the spiciness. Yeah, that’s fine and also you can just go without wasabi and just enjoy the natural flavor of fish.

Adrienne: What happens if you eat too much wasabi?

Hiroshi: Basically, tears comes out.

Adrienne: You burn your brain.

Hiroshi: You burn your brain. Yeah.

Handsome men and beautiful women often…

Handsome men and beautiful women

Handsome men and women often appear to be blessed with lucky lives. Now research has shown they are cleverer than most people as well.

长得好看的男人和女人似乎常常拥有幸运的人生,如今研究显示他们还比大多数人都聪明。

 

Studies in Britain and America have found they have IQs 14 points above average.

英国和美国的研究发现,相貌好的人的智商比平均智商高出14分。

 

It appears that those already physically blessed attract partners who are not just good looking but brainy too, according to research by the London School of Economics.

伦敦政治经济学院的一项研究发现,那些被赋予一副好相貌的人往往能吸引那些既漂亮又聪明的人成为他们的伴侣。

 

The children of these couples will tend to inherit both qualities, building a genetic link over successive generations between them.

这些夫妇生下来的孩子通常会继承他们的美貌和智慧,这种基因联系经历连续数代后将被强化。

 

In Britain, the study found that men who are physically attractive had IQs an average 13.6 points above the norm while women were about 11.4 points higher.

在英国,研究发现俊男的平均智商要比普通人高13.6分,而美女的平均智商比普通人高11.4分。

What your face says about your personality

What your face says about your personality

What your face says about your personality

A long face equals higher intelligence

脸长等于智商高

A study published in the journal PLoS One in 2014 found men (though not women) with a long face and wide-set eyes are perceived as more intelligent.

2014年发表在《公共科学图书馆期刊》上的一项研究显示,长脸且两眼间距宽的男性被认为更聪明,不过,对女性并不适用。

160 participants (75 men and 85 women) were asked to rate the photographs of 80 Czech university students (40 men and 40 women). The findings revealed that both men and women were able to accurately evaluate the intelligence of men from the photographs. Those with a narrower face, a thinner chin, and a larger, prolonged nose fitted the predicted stereotype of a higher IQ.

研究人员要求160名参与者(75名男性和85名女性)对80名捷克大学生(40名男性和40名女性)的照片进行评分。调查结果显示,男性和女性都能依据照片准确评估男性的智力。面部较窄、下巴较尖、鼻子较长较大的人更符合人们对高智商人群的预期形象。

Trustworthy eyes

值得信赖的眼睛

In 2007, researchers at Örebro University in Sweden were able to link the iris patterns in our eye to certain personality traits. They found that a low frequency of crypts (wavy lines radiating out from the pupil) was associated with trustworthy and tender personalities.

2007年,瑞典厄勒布鲁大学的研究人员找到了虹膜特征和某些性格品质的相关性。他们发现,隐窝较少(由瞳孔向外延伸的波浪纹理)与值得信赖、温柔的性格是联系在一起的。

Big noses are ambitious

大鼻子的人有野心

A study of 1,700 photos of faces, or more specifically their noses, was published in the Journal of Craniofacial Surgery in 2013. The report was able to find 14 different nose types and associate them with different personality types.

2013年,《颅面外科杂志》刊登了一篇关于1700张面部照片(更加确切的说应该是鼻子的照片)的研究。这份报告发现了14种不同类型的鼻子,并将他们与不同的性格类型联系在一起。

Apparently, a person with a large nose tip is a financial planner, whereas if the tip is small or pointed, they don’t have much interest in money.

据称,鼻头大的人善于理财,反之,鼻头小或尖的人对钱不太感兴趣。

Large nostrils are meant to indicate a generous spender – but if all of the nose is large that indicates that the person in question has an ambitious personality.

鼻孔大意味着一个人花钱大手大脚,但如果这个人整个鼻子都很大的话,那说明他是一个有野心的人。

Sexual orientation

性取向

40 gay and 40 straight people were studied by researchers at Charles University in Prague in 2013, to discern whether sexual orientation was linked to the shape of a man’s face. According to the study: “Gay men showed relatively wider and shorter faces, smaller and shorter noses, and rather massive and more rounded jaws, resulting in a mosaic of both feminine and masculine features.”

2013年,布拉格查理大学的研究人员对40名男同性恋者和40名男性异性恋者进行了研究,以确定性取向是否与男性的脸型有关。根据这项研究:“男同性恋的脸相对较宽、较短,鼻子小而短,而下巴更厚更圆,使其同时具有女性和男性外貌特征。”

Curved eyebrows show kindness

弯弯的眉毛更亲切

According to face reader Jean Haner, we can tell a lot from someone’s eyebrows. Those with curved eyebrows are kind and considerate, straight eyebrows belong on logical people and if you have diagonal eyebrows you are more inclined to react to a situation.

据面部分析师珍•哈内尔称,我们可以从一个人的眉毛看出很多信息。眉毛弯弯的人亲切体贴,而眉毛笔直的人更讲逻辑,如果你是斜眉毛,那么你更加懂得应变。

Do you know this: Human ancestors are mice

Aeroplanes and global warming

Aeroplanes and global warming

Gimme a ticket for an aeroplane,

Ain’t got time to take a fast train.

Lonely days are gone,

I’m a-goin’ home,

‘Cause my baby just a-wrote me a letter.

Wayne Carson Thompson – The Letter

Have you ever looked out of the window of a passenger plane from 30,000 feet at the vast expanses of empty ocean and uninhabited land, and wondered how people can have any major effect on the Earth? I have. But it is now becoming pretty clear that we are causing a great deal of damage to the natural environment. And the planes which rush us in comfort to destinations around the globe, contribute to one of the biggest environmental problems that we face today – global warming.

For those of us lucky enough to have money to spend, and the free time to spend it in, there are a huge number of fascinating places to explore. The cost of air transport has decreased rapidly over the years, and for many people, especially in rich countries, it is now possible to fly around the world for little more than the contents of our weekly pay packets.

Unfortunately, planes produce far more carbon dioxide (CO2) than any other form of public transport, and CO2 is now known to be a greenhouse gas, a gas which traps the heat of the sun, causing the temperature of the Earth to rise. Scientists predict that in the near future the climate in Britain will resemble that of the Mediterranean, ironically a popular destination for British holidaymakers flying off to seek the sun. If global warming continues, we may also find that many tourist destinations such as The Maldives have disappeared under water because of rising sea levels.

As usual, people in the developing world are having to deal with problems created mainly by those of us in developed countries. Beatrice Schell, a spokeswoman for the European Federation for Transport and Environment says that, “One person flying in an airplane for one hour is responsible for the same greenhouse gas emissions as a typical Bangladeshi in a whole year.” And every year jet aircraft generate almost as much carbon dioxide as the entire African continent produces.

When you are waiting impatiently in a crowded departure lounge for a delayed flight or trying to find luggage which has gone astray, plane fares may seem unreasonably high, but in reality we are not paying enough for air travel. Under the “polluter pays principle”, where users pay for the bad effects they cause, the damage caused by planes is not being paid for. Aircraft fuel is not taxed on international flights and planes, unlike cars, are not inspected for CO2 emissions. Also, the Kyoto agreement does not cover greenhouse gases produced by planes, leaving governments to decide for themselves who is responsible.

So what can be done to solve the problem? Well, although aircraft engine manufacturers are making more efficient engines and researching alternative fuels such as hydrogen, it will be decades before air travel is not damaging to the environment. Governments don’t seem to be taking the problem seriously, so it is up to individual travellers to do what they can to help.

The most obvious way of dealing with the problem is to not travel by plane at all. Environmental groups like Friends of the Earth encourage people to travel by train and plan holidays nearer home. However with prices of flights at an all time low, and exotic destinations more popular than ever, it is hard to persuade British tourists to choose Blackpool instead of Bangkok, or Skegness over Singapore. Friends of the Earth also advise using teleconferencing for international business meetings, but most businesspeople still prefer to meet face-to-face.

However there is a way of offsetting the carbon dioxide we produce when we travel by plane. A company called Future Forests, whose supporters include Coldplay and Pink Floyd, offers a service which can relieve the guilty consciences of air travellers. The Future Forest website calculates the amount of CO2 you are responsible for producing on your flight, and for a small fee will plant the number of trees which will absorb this CO2. Another company, co2.org, offers a similar service, but invests your money in energy saving projects such as providing efficient light bulbs to villagers in Mauritius.

Yesterday I returned to Japan from England, and was happy to pay Future Forests 25 pounds to plant the 3 trees which balance my share of the CO2 produced by my return flight. Now the only thing making me lose sleep is jet lag.

Do you know this: Human ancestors are mice